Thou shalt not worry

In the homily the other night, the priest explored the subject of anxiety. The scripture, from the book of Matthew, quoted Jesus:

"Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them." And later, "Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they neither toil nor spin; and yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these."

(An aside: Rich Mullins, the late recording artist, wrote a song about these verses, and asked, "Does that mean we're supposed to eat like birds and dress like flowers?")

Hmmm... I wonder if Jesus really meant that we're forbidden to worry. In my New King James version of the Bible, it doesn't say "Thou shalt not worry", it only says "Do not worry...". I wonder if I would take this more seriously if He had said "Thou shalt not worry", and included this in the Old Testament as an 11th commandment, along with, say, a punishment: "Whosoever worries shalt be cast into the lake of fire, never to be seen or heard from again" or some other terrible fate.

As it is, I worry all the time, sometimes cloaking anxiety by calling it "pondering" or "planning". But if I'm honest, it's actually just old-fashioned fretting. I worry about whether or not people like me, about the broken things in my life, about losing the things that aren't yet broken, and on and on...

I heard today that the Pope is traveling in Turkey, and he's no longer riding in the "Popemobile", but in a bullet-proof armored car. I guess he's worried, too.

I'm not sure that I'll ever be able to stop worrying, any more than I'll be able to stop being greedy at times, or angry, or unloving. It would be a good thing, I guess, if we were able to keep all the "laws" - Love your neighbor as yourself, serve the Lord with gladness, don't covet, don't lust, be sober, fast, pray, tithe, etc. I can't do it, and I haven't ever met anyone who can. And on top of that, when I realize my shortcomings, I worry that I'm not "good enough" - and worrying is one of those things I'm not supposed to do. Sin is like a perpetual motion contraption sometimes.

In the Book of Common Prayer, there is a "Prayer of Humble Access", which is part of the service of Holy Communion. It contains these words: "We do not come to this thy Table, O merciful Lord, trusting in our own righteousness, but in thy manifold and great mercies. We are not worthy so much as to gather up the crumbs under thy Table. But thou art the same Lord whose property is always to have mercy...".

I'm really hanging onto the hope that His mercy is really that powerful; that His "property is always to have mercy", even on me; that His grace is really going to clean all the dirt, dust, mold, mildew, cobwebs, and cow patties out of my crazy life. Which means that when I just don't give a damn, He does. When I lust, He knows that I just want to know that I'm alive. When I get angry, He knows I'm passionate about something.

And when I worry, He knows that I'm just hoping He hasn't forsaken me (Mark 15:34).