Presence

I was standing on the front porch of a cabin in North Carolina last weekend, watching the sun come up over the mountains, and I remembered a conversation I had with a friend about "mountaintop experiences". They're intoxicating, he said - once you get to the top of some mountain, either literally or figuratively - you want the moment to last. My Cursillo weekend was like this - I wanted desperately to keep the "feeling" I had on the "mountaintop" so much, that I just willed myself to stay up there even after I got home. It lasted about 24 hours.

I'm not a mountain climber, but I have trekked to the top of some peaks in Colorado, and hiked up trails to the tops of some of the mountains of North Carolina. There is a moment - when you reach the summit, see the view, smell the cool air, wind in your face - when you want to stay, soaking it in, right before you realize that you have to come down, eventually. If you're lucky, there's somebody there at the top you can share it with; otherwise, it's a lonely place with a great view.

So, standing alone Sunday morning, watching the sun come up over the hills to the east, I got to thinking about Jesus and His mountiantop experiences. Especially His last one. I wonder what He thought about - not just what's written in the Gospels, but his private thoughts - as He climbed to the top of the low mountain where He was crucified. I wondered if He, upon reaching the summit, saw the view, smelled the cool air, felt the wind in His face. Beaten to within an inch of His life, weight of the world on His shoulders, surrounded by haters and thieves, gawked at by a meager audience of His followers, feeling forsaken...

I'm glad that wasn't the end. Maybe it's my Protestant upbringing, but I don't like to think about Jesus up there on the cross - crucifixes stop short of telling the whole story. I need him right here, off the mountain, sitting next to me while I'm driving, walking the halls at work, standing beside me, watching the sun come up over the mountains, on the front porch of a cabin in North Carolina...